Fantasy - Fakiru Week 2014

Uzura, being an adventurous, demanding, and endearing five year old – actually just being a five year old – wanted to play with the adults, too. She took her time choosing her character. She was very dedicated and so was very selective about it.
More than several valiant d6 dice were lost in the quest to choose between all of the subcategories, tossed away and thrown into the depths of oblivion. This was bizarre as Uzura rarely had tantrums.

“Perhaps she is... just really that excited and passionate about it?” Ahiru had said.

Fakir wished that he had never even mentioned the words 'role playing game' to Ahiru. And curse that moron librarian for telling him about it in the first place.

When all was ready, three hours and a very belated Dungeon Master arrival later, four brave and inexperienced heroes sat on the floor around the coffee table of a hastily tidied living room. Uzura sat happily on Ahiru's lap.

“So, uh… do we start?” Ahiru was the first to ask, since the brooding silence may as well have laid an egg by now. The look of relief on Fakir's face was endearing in a way and hilarious in another. Mainly hilarious, because Ahiru then had to stifle her snorts in Uzura's wispy hair.

“I suppose we should.” Fakir ignoring Ahiru and looked pointedly across the table to the girl he only knew as Ahiru's very very very annoying friend. “Well?”

“Oh am I meant to do something?” Lilie blinked innocently. Ahiru suspected that a look of pure and devious intent was meant to be innocent, or possibly perhaps the closest Lilie could ever get to it. She was the type of person to utterly obliterate anyone in a game of poker or cards against humanity, and ever since That Night Ahiru was fearful of her. She had always been pushy and a little fanatic but Lilie drunk on power was a whole other level. And now they had given it to her.

Why oh why had Mytho taken such a passive stance as always? Ahiru didn't care how much he denied it, but he must have some Swiss blood somewhere amongst that German. He either kept out of things entirely or tried too hard to appeal to people he didn't know – and Lilie had been so eager to be the “dungeon whatsit whatever if they’re in charge then let me be it” – how could he have resisted? How could he deny her that? Mytho could not say no.

Ahiru had died a little inside at that.

“Yes,” Fakir said through gritted teeth. “You are supposed to set the scene.”

“Oh.”

Ahiru, Mytho and Fakir blinked in unison at the resounding silence that followed.

“Okay, well um. Ahiru!” Ahiru jumped at the sound of the name.

“Y-yes!”

“Introduce yourself!”

“Oh. Um, okay! Hello everyone!” She waved around the table. Uzura said hello back and waved and Mytho smiled at her encouragingly, but Fakir just rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation and ignored her like the big spoilsport he was. “My name is, um… Ahi… ru? I am a rogue and um… yeah?” She glanced to Lilie who motioned for more. “I like to bake cakes and wriggle my toes in wet grass and I think that Fakir is a big meanie for making fun of me for picking this class and I'm not going to talk to him in the game. Oh! And I also like cats except the one down the road that always follows me and in the game I would like to specialise thievery so more specifically I am a thief and Fakir stop laughing please.” Ahiru pouted angrily at Fakir who was snickering beside her. He had pointed out the irony of her being a rogue, a class of dextrous, sneaky, and intelligent individuals, many times and she wasn't about to let him do it again; Ahiru flicked the shell of his ear and stuck her tongue out at him when he quietened, rubbing his ear tenderly, and returned to her lengthy introduction.

“I also plan to do botany at university and I volunteer at wild fowl centre and I do ballet – except all of you know that already, obviously – and this morning I had plain bread for breakfast because I forgot I had a toaster and –”

“No nooo Ahiru! That's so dull! Tell us what your dreams of the future are.” Lilie's bright green eyes were gleaming.

“Er, I don't know… University…” Ahiru began to splutter as her vision rapidly filled with the oncoming mass of light hair and a round and squidgy face.

“Tell. Us.”

“Er... to run a bird sanctuary or something? To grow old and feed ducks grain? To buy a little house near a river and grow a sunflower, a rose bush and tomatoes in the garden?” Ahiru gulped loudly.

She could feel three distinct gazes upon her: Fakir's rare and usually hidden gentleness, something intimate and intense; the usual serene grace of Mytho, piqued with curiosity; and Lilie's obstinate cycloptic stare – if she got any closer Ahiru would start getting dizzy from being cross-eyed, but she wasn't interested at all. Uzura didn't appear to care about this conversation and was trying to see how many dice she could fit in her mouth. So far she he only claimed two of them prisoner and she would do so no more; Ahiru absently reached down to take the remaining dice and tapped Uzura's cheeks as a prompt for her to spit them out. She felt her smile falter at the stickiness of her hands and wiped them on her skirt.

“I think that's very interesting, Ahiru,” Mytho said. "You've never spoken much about what you'd like to do when you're older.”

“Oh really? Hahah, oh, have I really not? I wonder why…” Ahiru laughed nervously.

A simultaneous saviour and heart-attack inducer delivered itself in the slamming of the front door, which echoed throughout the house and shook the window frames. Ahiru jumped near enough out of her skin and successfully smashed into Lilie's nose. She squealed and sat back down again with a grumble but no apparent damage.

“Hey guys!” A voice called out.

“Hey,” Lilie said, voice a distorted buzz as she held her nose tightly for fear of a nosebleed.

“How did you get in?” Ahiru asked as Pique kicked off her shoes in the hallway.

“You left your front door open, dummy!” Pique finally appeared, hair falling flat against her forehead, displaced from the loose bun, and slightly out of breath. “Sorry for being late by the way.”

“It's fine. Lilie just got here.”

Pique nodded and plonked herself down beside her best friends.

“Oh. Hello Fakir,” she said. After a moment's pause – and a subtle shove by Ahiru – she nodded towards Mytho, who nodded back in a similar fashion. He appeared polite as always, but Ahiru could see the deliberate effort to appear as nonplussed about Pique as she was about him. He was subtle and passive-aggressive, Ahiru had learned over the years, and he was very good at it.

“So!” Lilie jumped and then resettled herself in her seat. “Would you be interested getting married?”

Ahiru blinked then realised this was a continuation of their interrupted one-sided interrogation.

“I don't… know?”

“Oh that's strange, I'm sure everyone else has thought about it! Mytho, have you?” Lilie asked.

“I suppose,” he said mildly.

Lilie flashed a sweet grin his way and turned back to Ahiru.

“See? Oooh, imagine if you got married to someone you met at high school or university! That would be sooo like you, Ahiru!”

Ahiru was not impressed. Lilie went a step further.

“Who here would you want to marry: pick one.”

Ahiru narrowed her eyes, cheeks beginning to glow with a light dusting of pink. Oh… oh heavens no she knew exactly what Lilie was trying to do. It was the same thing as she always did and had been doing for the past, oh, at least six years? She would not allow it.

She puffed out her cheeks. “I…”

“Me! Marry me!”

Ahiru blinked and looked down at the child sitting patiently in her lap. She took her small hands in hers.

“Okay. I choose Uzura!” She beamed at Lilie, whose eyes glinted with menace for only a moment. This match was a draw, but the war would go on!

“Do you want your hat?”

Uzura smiled. “Yeah!”

Ahiru got up and went to fetch it. It was something she had knitted herself and was very proud of. The wool was a light green, Uzura's favourite colour, as it matched her older half-sister's dyed hair, and it was something of a mix between a jester's hat and a beanie. Though it was obvious Ahiru would never admit it, because even after four previous attempts she had completely and utterly messed it up. Fakir had had to salvage it, complaining and muttering about her incompetence the whole time.

While she rooted around the cupboards for it among various scarves and tiny, tiny boots she could hear Lilie pestering Fakir to introduce himself in the background, and no doubt she would try and press Pique on him. Not that Pique would particularly mind, but she was more worried about Fakir. Ahiru smiled to herself.

“So Fakir, what about you?”

“Hmph.”

“Go ooooon. Pleeeeeease? Ahiru did so.”

“Fine. I'm Fakir. Hello.”

“He really is grumpy, isn't he?” Pique did not actually whisper into, presumably, Lilie's ear.

Ahiru managed to find the hat stuffed in the corner. She brushed it gently to rid it of any dust. Uzura wore it a lot usually but it had been confined for the summer months.

“Oh come on tell us about your character!”

“Please do, Fakir,” Ahiru said and smiled sweetly at him as she walked back into the room. Uzura reached upwards to take the hat but Ahiru manoeuvred it expertly onto her head instead and kissed it.

Fakir grunted but succumbed to the pressure. “I'm a warrior. I fight. I have a sword and some armour probably. I regret everything about this.”

“What's your character's name then?” Pique asked. Her eyes fluttered uncharacteristically.
Fakir shrugged.

“Boring,” Pique said. “You.” She pointed a finger at Mytho. “What's your jazz?”
Mytho smiled, fully prepared in his answer. “I'm a paladin called Siegfried. I believe in all that is good and must never perform an immoral act. I don't like Ahiru.”

She gawked. Was he going up against Lilie or did he… really mean what he just said? Either way…

“In the game!” he hurried to confirm with a hand over his heart and a worried expression. “You're a rogue and chaotic neutral so I disapprove of your nature. If you do anything evil then I’d probably have to fight you or dissociate myself from you in-game. I'll just have to put up with you, sorry.”

“Oh okay… good…” Ahiru felt a little light-headed. Even Fakir looked shocked and had tightened his fingers in that way he did every time he hesitated before going to take Ahiru's hand. It was still the one thing he had a problem with in public. She was so preoccupied with getting her bearings back that she didn’t notice if Lilie reacted, but she would not be surprised if she was currently singing her prayers that Mytho was still an option to badger Ahiru about.

Again, that pause. That god-awful pause. Where was it coming from? Ahiru was tempted to check the kitchen cupboards a) for the source of the awkward silence and b) for food. Snacks would be needed at some point, she assumed, but before she could do so Fakir coughed.

She turned to him – they all did.

“Well,” he sounded very bored, “shall we start?”

“Yeah!” They all glanced down at Uzura, who had decided for them.

“Alright then!” Lilie clapped her hands together. “What do I have to do?”

Fakir groaned.

- - -

Thirty five minutes and three re-introductions later – Uzura was the only one let off the hook for simply stating “I'm the mage, Zura!” – the band was traipsing along a dirt path cutting through a field. On one side was a “dark and spooooooky forest” and one the other side was “a town or something”, and Ahiru had already managed to sprain her ankle trying to perform a backflip to impress the others and raise morale. She was being carried by Siegfried.

“Why does Mytho have to do it?” she asked the Dungeon Master.

“So you two – I mean, Ahiru the Rogue and Siegfried – can learn to like each other, of course!” Her eyes sparkled. Ahiru could feel the rising temptation within her friend to rub against her cheek and she blanched. It was bad enough what she was doing – had only begun doing – to them in the game but she didn't need anything awkward in the real world.

Oh, who was Ahiru kidding? Certainly not herself. Things were plenty awkward for real-life her already.

She glanced a silent apology to Fakir on Lilie's behalf. She didn't know if he noticed; he was staring intently at the table at the imaginary gameboard, since they hadn’t been prepared enough to actually draw out some dungeons. That, or at the character cards Uzura had drawn for all of them while they were trying to get Lilie to understand why one of the dice had 20 sides. 14 sides too many in her opinion.

“It's alright, Ahiru.” Mytho said. “My character doesn't mind helping you, and neither do I. But really, shouldn't the warrior be slightly more concerned for his… for our party member?” A mischievous smile played on his lips, and Mytho put his fingers to them while looking to Ahiru. She bit back a grin. They could wage a war of their own, but poor Fakir was the only one getting the brunt of both of them.

Fakir grunted, forcibly indifferent.

“Now, now, Fakir, be nice.”

“She shouldn't have tried to do a backflip, she's an idiot.”

“Am not!” Ahiru puffed out her red cheeks.

“Are too,” said Fakir and refused to participate further in the teasing.

“Hmph!” Ahiru crossed her arms in her usual overdramatic yet always a little bit genuine fashion.

“Awwww, it's okay Ahiru! You still have Mytho! And Siegfried, of course.” Lilie ran a gentle hand through Ahiru's hair, flattening down the wild cowlick that always protruded from her head and, in others' words, made her look like an alien or a teletubby, though she was sure they were one and the same.

“Yeah, great.” Ahiru muttered and then mouthed a sorry Mytho while her head was stuck in the crook of the elbow of Lilie's vicelike grip. He mouthed don't worry about it back and started whispering something to Fakir. Whatever it was it made his currently subdued blush more prominent.

“I wanna go in the spooky forest! Zura says let's go there!” And without further discussion she grabbed a d8 and rolled a successful 7 without needing to.

Ahiru blinked.

“Are we sure that's a good idea?”

“I'm sure it's a perfectly insane idea but let's do it,” Fakir said. “Perhaps we'll get eaten by a troll.”

“Ooh!” Lilie was alert in an instant and clapped her hands together, letting Ahiru drop to the floor. “There are trolls in this game?”

“Of course,” Fakir said with petulance, “there can be any fantasy creature you want provided it fits within the setting of the realm and region. You're the Dungeon Master.”

“Oh goodie! Okay then, um, you all wander off to the spooky forest and you're all nervous and unsure and whatever. And as you walk under the trees the splintered branches overhead start to loom over you like claws and you feel like you're being watched –”

Eyes widened at this point because the sudden seriousness in Lilie's voice coupled with the increasing level of detail of her description was terrifying. Ahiru gulped and edged herself round the table towards Fakir. She jumped and then laughed nervously when his fingers brushed against her. The reaction luckily went unnoticed by Lilie, engrossed in her story-telling, and she accepted his touch. Their fingers intertwined under the table.

She was no good with horror.

Uzura, on the other hand, was enraptured, eyes wide and mouth in a wide smile. Mytho was enjoying himself too, being the type who could play atmospheric and jump-scare horror games with a straight face, and was whispering to her while nodding at Lilie's narration.

“– you all teeter at the edge… Ahiru!” Lilie chirped. She jolted.

“Yes?!”

“What do you want to do?”

“Pardon?”

Lilie sighed dramatically and repeated herself: “You're at the edge of a mysterious swampy lake thing. It's foggy. There may be a way around the swamp if you look. It bubbles and sloshes by the shore of dying grass. Make a decision.”

“Oh…” Ahiru gulped. “Fakir?”

“We could chuck you in and see what happens.”

Ahiru pouted. “That's so mean!”

“I agree, Fakir. I wouldn't allow you to do that,” Mytho said.

Lilie sighed dreamily and winked very conspicuously to Ahiru, ignoring the fact that she was now practically in Fakir's arms.

“You could try going back?” Pique offered. “Knowing this monster going around will be worse than wading through.”

“I have no clue what you mean.” Lilie's voice dripped honey sweet.

“Hrmmmm…” Ahiru frowned. She wasn't party leader or anything, so why did she have to decide? “I don't know.”

“What if I cast magic? Can Zura freeze the lake?”

“Hmm,” Lilie referred to her character sheet. “I think that’s too high a level for you. But, you could cast a spell to see if there’s a way across!”

“Um…” Uzura looked at the list she could use. “Dancing Lights?”

“Ooooh! Well done Zura!” Lilie's eyes sparkled, and this time Ahiru could not detect any false premise. Lilie had taken to Uzura instantly since arriving, perhaps even earlier, when Ahiru had first mentioned her months ago when she started babysitting.

“So what exactly happened?” Fakir asked the Dungeon Master.

“Oh. Oh! Yes, yes, the lights swirl around you, now Zura has to tell them where to go.”

“Over the lake.”

Lilie nods and describes the small hovering spheres of light pushing out in a line over the murky waters, until one catches the edge of a flat stone jutting just above the water level a few feet away. Zura just about manages to hop onto it, given her Small size, and further stepping-stones are illuminated, cutting a path down the centre of the lake.

“There’s lots, Zura!” Uzura calls without needing to remind them.

“What do you think, Fakir? Siegfried?” Ahiru asked.

“Hm. Seems safer than anything. The stones look large enough to support maybe three of us at once. I can lead the way with you a stone behind… and we can go straight back to shore if needs be.”

“Hurry up!”

“The lights won’t last forever,” Fakir pointed out, and Ahiru narrated herself joining Zura on the first step. It rocked slightly, as if it was floating rather than a fixed column, but Lilie assured them it was safe, which did not actually reassure Ahiru at all. Who knew what she would do to her.

The party moved on slowly, Siegfried at the front after a brief exchange with the two women which Ahiru could see was driving Lilie mad. So far, nothing bad seemed to be happening to them, but the stones showed no sign of ending.

“Just how big is this thing? Are we sure this is a good idea?” Ahiru whispered.

“Ooh!” Uzura suddenly cried. They all turned to the child. “Can I make the lake safe?”

“Make it... safe?”

“Yeah!” Uzura's eyes sparkled and Ahiru felt a sudden chill of foreboding. She shook it off and let it fester in the back of her mind as she listened pointedly to Uzura's and Lilie's exchange.

“What's in the lake?”

“In… it…” Lilie trembled with fear and excitement and Ahiru was struck by the idea that it could be very sensible to stop Uzura from saying anything else at this point, but she did nothing to act on her instincts.

“Yeah! Like monsters and scary things!”

“Well… yes. Yes there is. There's a kraken in it!”

“You're just using Lord of the Rings, aren't you?”

“Shut up Pique I've never done this before and do you see Aragog-whatever anywhere?”

Pique pointed to Fakir who snorted derisively.

“Next you’ll be telling me this game has hobbits!”

Fakir, again, snorted in disbelief.

“But as I was saying, Zura, yes,” Lilie said sweetly, “there's a giant monster in the lake.”

“Can I kill it? Like how 'Del does in her drawings?”

Lilie blinked curiously. Edel was a fine art student, Ahiru explained, and she enjoyed depicting Ophelia and Classical goddesses and other tragic or heroic women in an art nouveau style, in rather surprisingly graphic situations. Ahiru hurried to show a couple of photos to them on her smarter-than-her phone, which Lilie seemed nonplussed about but Mytho and Pique seemed to enjoy. At last something they had in common – now they were sure to be wed.

“Don’t you like it? I thought you and Femio like art.”

“Abstract art. And Femio has nothing to do with this,” Lilie retorted surprisingly defensively, and Fakir bit back a snort.

“Please don’t tell me that you talk to that moron.”

Lilie narrowed her eyes and short missiles at Ahiru, who felt a great shudder pass through her. Great. Now Fakir had upped her game. She shot him a sideways glance that went unnoticed.

“Now now, Fakir, let’s just play the game.” Mytho said.

“See Ahiru,” Lilie smiled. “Mytho is just so nice.”

“Yes he is,” Ahiru said sincerely and Lilie seemed placated. For now.

“Can Zura?”

“Oh!” Lilie gasped. “Oh sorry sweetie, could you ask again I’ve gotten distracted.”

“Can I kill the monster like Sis Edel?”

“Um, well the kraken isn't a pretty lady and you have no long spikes but… yes. You all could… try? Maybe? Or you could cross the lake without disturbing it! Because I don't know but there might just be something really interesting on the other side that would ensure a happy ending for your party.”

Ahiru pouted and shoved her phone back into her pocket.

Lilie took a breath. “You know what perhaps you should cross the lake I’m not sure it would be a good idea for Zura to try and do anything at this level…”

“Nope,” Uzura said simply. “I want to defeat it.”

She looked up with her big blue eyes to the party, who could not find the heart to argue.

“I’m gonna freeze it to death.”

“If you're sure…” Lilie handed over a couple of dice, blowing on them for good luck. No-one was sure how this would work but the rules had already been warped enough for the point to no longer matter. Uzura took them greedily in her small palms and threw them down onto the table.

Three d20s – three 20s.

The party fell silent.

Eyes flick back and forth to everyone in the room. All were wide and scared, frantically thinking of excuses.

A spell so poorly executed, a spell that Zura couldn’t even possibly have cast given her level and schooling, could only result in a very large misplaced explosion, and the kraken rising from the depths the swallow them whole, according to Chinese whispers that originated from Fakir, the most knowledgeable of the gathering. Somehow they were all going to die, and if not all of them then most certainly Zura for attracting so much attention to them.

Lilie was shaking. Was there any way around this?

Uzura was looking forlornly to everyone in the room with wide and tragic – utterly tragic – puppy eyes.

“Has… Has Zura messed up?”

“What? Noooo!” Lilie screeched then lowered her voice to a reassuring coo. “Of course not sweetie.” She bit her lip.

“It's just…” She glared to Mytho.

Mytho blinked and smiled at Fakir who flinched as if he'd been jabbed in the side and given a static shock to boot. His voice emerged as an acute and strangled choke.

“Ahrmmmm. Well –”

Ahiru squeezed his hand.

“Um, no?”

“See! It's fine!” Lilie crowed with relief.

“There must be some consequence though, right?”

“Yeah…” Ahiru overheard Mytho and Fakir whisper back and forth.

Pique was the one who came to the rescue, slamming her hands on the table and shocking Ahiru to the point of squawking.

“Who wants snacks?!” She shouted, and Ahiru answered meekly.

“I do…” This motion was reciprocated by murmurs around the table.

“Great! Ahiru, can you show me around the kitchen?” Pique hopped to her feet and nodded her head.

“Oh… er, right!” Her blue eyes lit up with realisation and she scrabbled to her feet also tugging and being tugged by Pique in equal measures as they hurried to the other room.

There, Ahiru breathed a huge sigh of relief.

“Oh man.”

“Uzura’s really done something bad, hasn’t she?”

“Yeah… apparently we’re all doomed.” She started rooting around the cupboards and passed Pique a series of food items: a box of cereal, an open packet of crisps, a loaf of breath, party rings, jammy dodgers, a month-old but still edible sealed packet of dried apricots… “But what do we do? We can’t just… end it now. Eaten by a kraken.”

“But we can’t just let Lilie do nothing – Oi! Lilie!” Pique called out.

There was a flutter from the other room and she appeared at their side instantaneously. She looked distressed, but also devious, ready as ever to start dropping hints and giving friendly impartial advice to Ahiru before Pique, thankfully, cut her off.

“What are you going to do about this?”

“I don’t know. Oh, if only Fakir would have pushed Ahiru in and then Myth- Siegfried could have saved her and then you could have just crossed the lake as planned…”

“You planned for Fakir to push me in?” She frowned, but Lilie carried on to actually answer the question.

“Can’t I just… not do anything? I don’t want you to be eaten that wasn’t the plan… unless it involved Siegfried and Ahiru.” She winked.

Ahiru, at this point, dropped the bowl of shredded wheat she was making herself and it landed on the counter with a loud clatter. She really shouldn’t have been by now, but Ahiru was constantly amazed at the ease of which Lilie could say such things and make such innuendo when she herself had absolutely no interest in that… topic.

“Excuse me,” she managed with a hoarse voice and then darted back to the main room, sitting cross-legged back next to Uzura and Fakir, incredibly traumatised.

“Are you alright, Ahiru?” Mytho asked.

“Please don’t talk to me for a moment Lilie has said what should be unspeakable.”

And with that conversation drew to an abrupt yet welcome close, the only sounds being the frantic unintelligible whispers from the kitchen and the soft shifting of Ahiru’s hair as Uzura unplaited the braid and coiled the ginger locks in her pudgy hands.

“Okaaaay!” Lilies voice rang out. The foursome looked up to the girls bringing forth snacks and, what it appeared, was an idea for the next stage for the game.

“Okay,” Lilie breathed and took a moment to compose herself. She launched into the story without so much as a chance to let Fakir reach for a biscuit.

“With an almighty crack the rocks beneath your feet begins to buckle. The waters of the lake grow still, and the rise in a terrible tumult! Thrashing and chipping away at the thinning stones, below you a massive shadow unfurls… Your party has to run; there’s no other way!”

Frantically and without speaking the three adults rolled the dice, Fakir electing to carry Zura, who was still only tiny and added no burden, and the paladin and rogue playing for their own survival. Each one rolls successfully, dashing back across the rocks as huge tendrils reached out and smash at them behind them.

“You lie gasping on the shore of the lake, but you cannot rest for the kraken knows you are there and you are still within its reach. You swiftly run through thickened brambles and the jeers of all manner of crows back the way you came – or so you think,” Lilie wove the trees around them and the cold stares and caws of the birds. Ahiru bit her lip and gave Fakir’s hand a brief squeeze. Lilie would never have mentioned them on purpose, she knew, if she had been aware of how terribly afraid Fakir was of them.

“But your struggle has not gone unnoticed, oh no.” It is at this point that Lilie’s eyes gleam and Pique starts to nod approvingly, knowing what was to come. “Creatures are stirring in the woods around you, and only by the snapping of branches and sodden movements through the long and snaring grass do you know of their rotten presence. What do you choose?”

“We stand and fight,” Mytho declared proudly, and no-one else could say anything as he jumped to his feet. “En garde, foul creatures!”

After a split-second he graciously returned to sitting with them on the floor, and coughed drily into his hand. Fakir and Ahiru grinned. They should have a camera it was so rare for Mytho to be the one blushing!

Lilie beamed. “You never had a choice.

“Suddenly! All around you, limping, gawping and lunging at you are the Undead stumbling through the undergrowth, thirty or more by first count but undoubtedly more are to follow.” Lilie chose at this point to accept Pique’s gift of a smartphone open on a webpage displaying typical stats for the average zombie and flicks over it. “Okay,” she muttered and smiled up at the party. “Now fight!”

The fight was brutal. Zura’s luck turned for the better and she cast a brilliant Flare which didn’t kill or incapacitate but slowed a couple enough for the two brave warriors to leap at them with their swords. Fakir was undoubtedly the strongest, the brunt of the party leading them steadily onwards as they fought left and right at the surrounding horde. Ahiru, though injured, still made light her footwork as she danced to evade gaping maws and decomposing arms reaching for her tender flesh – Lilie why is my flesh tender? Because you’re a fair maiden now go! – and managed to pummel a few into submission with her bludgeon and some surprisingly-well aimed rocks – although Fakir was, admittedly, not a zombie.

But they knew their fight was fruitless, it always would be and would have been. This was the only way to portray the consequence of Zura’s actions at the lake: an unending fight and the illusion of a fighting chance.

The party were soon harried and losing the will to fight. Lilie dictated their stats – provisions and health and strength – during a lull in the clamour as the crew stumbled into a patchy clearing. Perfect for ambush.

“We’re not going to…” Mytho frowned. “It was an honour,” he said, and it was so sincere that they could not find the heart to tease him for becoming so engrossed.

Fakir nodded and Ahiru felt tears swim in her eyes. Her lips trembled and she threw her arms around Mytho, and he accepted her embrace politely. From over his shoulder, both of them could hear Lilie’s sigh of delight, and Fakir’s eyes rolling to the side.

“The zombies approach,” Lilie’s voiced was hushed as she sat in awe of the spectacle. “Your party hears them, some leftover from the last fight and some new, larger and more terrifying, merges of all manner of dark creatures dredged from the forest…”

Ahiru pulls away.

“I’m gonna keep fighting.”

“Hm.” Fakir nods.

“Me too.”

“And me, Zura!” Uzura shouts, oblivious to Zura being on the verge of death; Lilie had kindly omitted that detail.

The fight began with rocks and the remainder of Ahiru’s darts, and then she tossed both her crossbow and her crude slingshot, crafted idly as they’d entered the forest not an hour ago, in favour of fists. But her leg was failing her they all knew. Lilie especially knew.

In fact she made a point of telling Ahiru that she may need someone to help her stand.

“Oh, poor scatterbrained Ahiru…” Lilie sighed all forlorn and full of pure, innocent malice.

“I’ll do it.” Fakir’s voice stunned her to silence. She blanched, but could do nothing about it.

Fakir stuttered as he struggled to maintain his composure when he spoke. His tongue flitted out to wet his lips as he readied himself and Ahiru tried very hard not to blush for some reason, but it didn’t really work, so she settled with feeling along for Mytho’s thigh and jabbing it sharply because of how he was chuckling to himself.

“Fakir, the Knight, takes Ahiru by the hand and helps her to her feet. He knows that all hope is lost and that nothing can be done,” he said. Ahiru takes his hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she sighs.

“Fakir drops his sword.”

The room is hung on every word in curious and tense silence, and even Lilie can’t bring herself to find some form of rebuttal or any additional commentary. No doubt in this time Mytho has been eaten alive while his party are busy staring deeply into each other’s eyes.

“He cups Ahiru’s face, and he’s a-angry because they’re going to die here and he can’t fight any more.”

“But that’s okay,” Ahiru said, smiling. “I’m glad I got to be with you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Lilie’s jaw dropped, and she nor Fakir needed narrate the mingling of the Knight’s and the Rogue’s breath as they brought their lips together. Lilie also didn’t feel the need to describe the subsequent slaughter and viscera finding its way in strange places among the trees.

Ahiru hadn’t realised just how intently she had been staring at Fakir, nor how her breath had all but stopped and how Fakir’s hand had somehow found its way to lift under her small and rounded chin. She gulps.

“Lovey-dovey…” Uzura said plainly, and the moment snaps and recoils and the couple filled with embarrassment and flung themselves to another respective guest: Ahiru to Mytho and Fakir to a flustered Pique, who toppled. Lilie pushed the human-shaped dominos away.

“What. Was that.”

“I think Fakir and Ahiru kissed passionately and then we all got ripped apart and died. And I think Fakir and Ahiru just announced that they were dating, at long last.” Mytho offered without so much as batting an eyelid. Ahiru cringes but can’t find the will not to bury her face in his chest. He rubs her shoulder gently.

“Th-there,” Fakir said sharply, gasping for breath and trying to muster some sort of intimidation. “Happy?”

“Very,” Mytho said and pushed Ahiru off of him, leaving her blushing but somewhat more stable sitting on her own legs.

Ahiru was sure she could hear crickets chirping or tumbleweed skittering across the room as she counted to ten. It was so quiet! Again! She opened her eyes to the shocked faces of her friends, a still sort-of mortified Fakir, and a satisfied Mytho and Uzura, of which she was glad because everyone had been so desperate not to upset her. At least that plan had been a success, though probably not in the way Lilie had hoped. Ahiru didn’t need to ask if she’d intended for Mytho to die saving her; it was all in the fragments of crushed hopes and dreams in her wide eyes. Upon meeting Pique’s, her fellow dancer jumped into life. She blinked then cleared her throat, looking down at the character sheets and untouched snacks. She took a custard cream.

“Wow. That was short.” stated Pique. “Are these games meant to be this short?”

The room filled with the sound of her munching for a whole second.

“Can I bring you back to life?!” Lilie snaps back to herself with a desperate plea.

“No,” said Fakir flatly.

Lilie’s bottom lip quivered.

“Can you be zombies?”

“Sure,” Mytho said. “We're all zombies and we decide to kill or overthrow all living beings and take over the world.” He casually rolled a 7 using the online RPG die simulator.

“What happened to immoral acts?”

“Siegfried is a zombie now; I don't think he cares.”

“Ohh,” Lilie sighed. “So Fakir and Ahiru are together… but what about Siegfried, there was no romance for him.”

“Me me! Choose me, Zura!” Uzura cried.

Mytho smiled at her sweetly and bowed his head.

“I'm sorry, but I'm already spoken for. They just weren't able to come today. Oh –” he remembered. “Rue apologises and wants to arrange a coffee sometime,” he said to the newly revealed couple.

“Oh that’s nice.”

“Who’s Rue?”

“…The person I'm dating? Did I not make that clear?” Mytho furrowed his brows but both Fakir and Ahiru could tell he was enjoying the tiny stab at the female duo.

“Really? You mean, you and Ahiru didn't… All along?! Wait what Fakir and Ahiru wasn’t just in the game?!”

“I thought that was obvious.” Mytho tilted his head and smiled while Fakir and Ahiru covered their faces. Lilie was distraught. Pique started soothing her with soft there there’s. She’d invested so much time trying to get Ahiru to admit her feelings and confess that it must have been a shock, all those confidence boosting lessons and nights out and makeovers and subtle hints thrown about to both parties… utterly wasted!

“So who is this Rue?”

“Rue goes to our school – studies drama and physics and is in the gymnastics and dance team. We sit and have lunch together all the time, myself, Ahiru, and Fakir, I mean. You must have seen the dance show, right?”

“We couldn't go this year,” Ahiru explained. “We all had to… retake an exam…” she mumbled.

“Ah, I understand.”

“Hey, it was mainly Ahiru who messed it up! She fell asleep half way through.” Pique objected.

“I didn't –!” Ahiru flushed. Her eyes flitted unthinkingly to Fakir. “– get much sleep that night…”

Fakir, instantly red, almost gagged, and Mytho patted his back gently. Confused eyes loomed over Fakir before Mytho rescued the couple from probing questions. It was lucky Lilie had such a short attention span.

“So yes. That’s Rue. We've been going out for a year or so now. Ahiru and Fakir… slightly less, I think?”

Fakir grumbled.

“So Rue’s dropped German at last?”

“Yeah. That – excuse me – prick in the class just wouldn't –”

“Oh!” Pique's eyes lit up. “Rue? Is it that other guy we always see you walking around with?”

“Guy?” Lilie furrowed her brows.

“You know –” she nudged Lilie “– we saw them in town once going to the river.”
“Oh, yes I think so? You’re dating a man? Hm.”

Ahiru bit her lip. She glanced to Mytho, mute, politely restraining himself, and then to the expectant Pique. She felt her frustration subside when Mytho gave her ‘the okay’ look and answered.

“She's a girl. Mytho has a girlfriend.” Rue should have been here today anyways, so they would’ve met her, besides, Ahiru had already asked her about this in case this very situation occurred.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Really really?” Lilie repeated.

Ahiru stared pointedly. Pique, thankfully, had been blessed with a little more tact and grace, and frankly more common sense, than Lilie, and got the message. In fact she rather understood it entirely, a fact which would surprise Ahiru later.

“Oh? Ohhh okay. Yeah. Um, sorry, I guess I assumed since I always see them in skinny jeans far away and… stuff. Ahem. I've never met her in person, have I?”

Mytho smiled brightly and it was like the cold awkwardness was never there. “No I don't think so. Rue’s often really busy with practice and work. And her father doesn't let her go out much besides…”

“Oh.”

Fakir cleared his throat and clapped his hands. The whole table turned to him. “Well, I'd say this was successful. I'll be leaving now.”

“Uh uh uh – not so fast!” Lilie screeched. She flung out her finger in the style of an ace attorney to the accused. “Ahiru, you and Fakir haven't proven anything to us! You should kiss!”

Ahiru felt hot dread fill her veins. “But the game…” she said weakly.

“Doesn't count for anything at all!”

“But…” Ahiru's lip trembled.

“No, now.”

“Or we could not –”

“I don't think so –”

“Yay! Lovey dovey!”

Fakir and Ahiru and Uzura said together.

“Aww, come on!” Lilie drawled, standing up and sidling over to Fakir. “Don't you love your girlfriend, hm?”

Ahiru was the one that bounded out the door a moment later, abandoning her shoes with the sinking ship and heard Uzura shouting her name as the wind rushed into her ears and tore through wild hair trailing behind her. Her feet slapped against the pavement painfully.
And fast-approaching was a demon in Lilie-form, screaming into the hazy two-in-the-afternoon air: “You can't escape it forever! Ahiru's grown up at last! You and Fakir! Oh, honestly, how could I have not seen it before? You're both so in looooove!”